burning bridges

being a marketing student, there are so many outgoing people in my class. people that are articulate, smart, AND well put together. everything i should aspire to be, but it is so hard for me. building connections are so difficult to start, maintain, and retain. it seriously exhausts me to death. small talk, making time for people you are not that concerned about, pretending to care about a stranger's weekend.

i don't know how much i like facebook. i've been purging my friends list ever since i started college, with the influence of a close friend. people i don't need, i don't want to be 'friends' with, people i don't care about, people that are acquaintances, people that i hopefully will never see again. i like fb for the reason of changing my display picture - people with this level of vainest, will understand. haha.


people ask me: 'why are you in marketing then?'

i like calculating and meticulous strategizing of marketing. how there is different, never set ways, of completing things. how marketing is almost an art of manipulation of business. how you can get away with things you normally cannot get away from other studies of business. truthfully, i like learning about it, applying it group projects is terrifying, and don't get me started on doing it for a living. where your efforts actual is counted on to produce a profit. so much pressure. what if you don't meet their expectations. if i had all the money in the world, my ideal career would be to study all different things. biology, history, languages, anthropology, astrology, religions etc, but never have to apply it to real life. i want to just hoard all the knowledge.

i like my future to be unpredictable. murky and gray. like feeling around in thick fog. if it hits me, great. if it doesn't, there will be a next time. if i stub my toe on an obstacle, i should have looked down. i guess i am not that competitive nor aggressive. i should be.